Kinky Jesus

So I want to talk about Jesus first and foremost. Jesus came not in a spaceship but born of a virgin. God’s sticky seed in her moist womb. Is that not something to rejoice about already? Joseph was the good child of God but what we remember most is Jesus and Mary. These two were where the magic came from God’s heavenly fingers.

If you haven’t accepted Jesus yet, that is a shame. Buddhists and Nihilists will all go to hell unless they repent and kneel before the Bema seat of Christ, Lord Jesus and Yahweh almighty God. This is a fact.

Did Jesus really exist? Some say no.

The cross is where Jesus sagged under the weight of all of mankind’s sins from time immemorial and some theologians believe he was naked except for the nails in his hands. It is most likely that Jesus got several erections during the process. Did the son of God feel shame? I don’t know.

When you are about to commit a sin as devilish as child pornography distribution or as seemingly tame as stealing from your mother, please think of the erections of Jesus and how you caused all of it.

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2 thoughts on “Kinky Jesus

    1. Some historians and theologians believe that yes he did. I myself, however, am more conservative. Public nudity and the rushing of blood are all known to cause erections and Jesus was on the cross several days and we all have morning wood and Jesus was very healthy. However, Jesus most likely had GREAT mental fortitude as a prophet, saint, and son of the all powerful Yahweh and therefore may have been able to prevent any erections. However, the son of God was under a great amount of stress and pain and this may have lessened the ability to mask the symptoms of his arousal. Unlike historians and theologians, I cannot guarantee that Jesus had an erection, I feel very strongly that he did.

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